Beautiful Suprise

It's been a long time since ive put anything on here! i completely forgot i had a blogspot lol....but here i am with thoughts to get off my chest.....

2010 has truly been a year of many suprises, i randomly meet the dopest hip hop artist of all time Lupe Fiasco=EPIC. after struggling for a year and a half to get my grad school situation right i get in and then get offered an opportunity for employment with the school which is paying my insanely high tuition that I had NO IDEA how i was gonna pay, my fam is healthy, my friends are great, and most importantly i let some negative weak people out of my circle and it feels AMAZING!

However, i fail to mention the most beautiful surprise of my life....my new love. I swear I always had this image and description in my head of what love feels like. It was crazy how it started, when i met him im like he's totally geeky, but he's got the BEST manners, and this lil cat comes to work CLEAN everyday lol. Needless to say, due to his outgoing, genuine personality and smile (damn those dimples) we randomly ended up spending countless hours of our work day talking about life, issues, everything. Work for me summer 2009 was thee HIGHLIGHT of my day (he never knew that). When i wasn't talking to him, i wanted to talk and be around him, i felt seriously insane. Just a week b4 i met him i had sworn off men, so me even thinkin about liking him when i met him wasn't an option. SO We became best friends over night. He was my confidant and I was his, He was the laugh i needed, he was the faith that I needed to be restored in me after letting it waver, and on top of that he wasn't too bad on the eyes ;)

I seriously tried my best not to fall in love, but it happened. People dont understand, our love now is a result of a freakin emotional roller coaster. We've been UP but child let me tell you we been DOWN. There was a time when i knew that my feelings were getting too strong so i requested we just be friends. I always told him I'd be his friend b4 ANYTHING. because as a friend, he made my days brighter. I'd risk not having him emotionally just to have his friendship becuz it was that important to me.

yada yada yada skippin hella points of the story, eventually the mutual feelings and hurdles that existed got too much to bare. Conversation was had, process was started and VOILA! without trying i got my MAN! hehehe jk but no seriously it was effortless. Thats the way u know its something real, it happens naturally. I can't explain how happy Ive been since the beginning of this summer or better yet how fruitful my life has been since 6/15/09.

Im not perfect and he deals with me. I love the way he loves my imperfections as I do his. I always tell him, when we're together it feels like im hangin with my homie lol. We are seriously bffs and we don't have to speak words to let eachother know how we feel becuase its evident its there. He not only loves me but he accepts the most important part of my life, my baby girl. I applaud him for not only accepting her but also being proactive about being a positive image in her world. For a young man, that really impresses me. I thought my lil crazy baby mighta scared him away by now but he's still here. He knows there's not expectations of him but he always goes the extra mile to be supportive of me in everything i do. That's why i'll stand behind him and refuse to see him fall EVER.

yup I turned in my pimpn card! lol jk but seriously i don't need anything else to supplement my needs. AS im typing i feel crazy because its almost like im tellin a fairytale, but that makes me smile becuz i know its my reality. For the first time, i can't relate to all the sad crazy break up songs on the radio. I was thinkin to myself while driving the other day when Keisha Cole "i remember" and chris brown "deuces" came on...like "man i don't know how that feels anymore." then Monica "love all over me" comes on lol hehe i know all about that :)

True story: the day before I met him, as I stated before I was going through a retarded break up, closure period. I was with all honesty EXHAUSTED with men, relationships, and my own judgement on these things. While driving past the Caseyville exit one sunday i remember saying outloud "I put it in your hands God, like for real i give up, when your ready I know you'll send me a good man one day." Little did I know, he had a "gift" in overnight mail arriving monday morning....God is good, ALL the time.

it's all about progression...loiterers should be arrested

hello. ive been gone for a hot lil minute but im back again. its 2010 for goodness sakes. On the first day of the year I claimed prosperity and for some reason i can already feel it in my bones. success is nipping at my nose lol. Right now all i have is a dollar and a dream....literally lol but not to worry becuz faith is what gets me through:) I have got a brand new outlook on life....just do it...and if not keep movin. i feel like im walking on air lately as opposed to the clouds i was trampling a couple months ago. the result of my analytical mind taking over my life ;) a great friend of mine always tells me " you over think things" lol hmmph! i do not :/ hmmm well ok ok as much as i hate to say it...he's right. so now i just coast. if things don't go my way, that means that i have an alternate route to something more superior. it's such excitement when you don't plan stuff and then it just happens. so im applying this to my career, famiily life, emotional life, academic career, u name it. this stuff rocks. worryin is for suckas :P. I intend on accomplishing big things in 2010....Due to my constant hustle...a chunky lil number of people have decided that they are not going to take me into 2010 with them. By no means am i cold hearted, but if you're not my friend because i gotta grind then thats a friendship that was well deserved to be lost. People don't understand sometimes that it's not a choice for me whether or not i have to plan big and move swiftly. This is what i've come to know due to circumstances and my pretty love Ava bug:) I'm taking a goon squad with me this year of those that i call my "success chasers" if you tryin win in 2010...you made the cut. I need to surround myself with people who are just as ambitious and goal oriented as myself, in hopes that i don't go astray in my journey. I gotta say, the squad is lookin good this year. i couldn't be happier with my social life as it is right now. I have amazing friends that i ADOREEEE. and a family that rocks my world. what more do i need. this year marks the year of 25 :x i would continue but my time has come im offff.....continuation this week. xoxo

bACK AT THIS bLOG tHING! thoughts x30

IM IN THE MOOD FOR LISTS AGAIN! HURRRR ME GOOO!

1.why do wack people think they are so much colder than they really are? ahaha too many
2.i am elated that i will be in good ol NY for new years...indeed said the cat. im so tired of the this area i dunno WHAT to do.
3.when people show you who they are the first time,, believe them! :o or joke's on U! SMH
4.PONDERS over winter dougie after returning from NY....um stupid fresh.
5.Really starting to own my hair cut....short hair makes me feel like a bad a$$ lol
6.Liars and white liars and fibbers and "not whole truth tellers" ....grrr. :x
7."oh that was your man, i thought i recognized em" lol
8.I'm sooo in the christmas spirit :)
9. cOolin.
10.currently listening and dancing to Michael Jacksons "off the wall" album. rip Mike :(
11. watching "pass the dutchie" video on you tube. Classic island rump rollin muzic.
12.Lookin for my real life Ryan leslie...Bae? where u at lol
13.I still get extra crunk to that 69 boyz song "come on ride that train" in the car...and make my passengers...all of them...do the dance.
14.Who said chivalry was dead?..... AHAHA was right smh
15.If nikki MInaj comes out on one more persons track?! i swear she the tpain of 09 lol next up NIkki MInaj and Miley Cyrus "Welcome to Miley's Slumber party" lol
16.dope. mad. ill. good money. bananas=adjectives for things that are overly great
17.i like places with dim lights and colored candles, old skool hip hop on the 1's and 2's , GOOD convo and a tasty drink. Moscato or a blue MF to be exact.
18. Otown is where the illest come from
19.i like to watch people who can't dance so i can join them, and dance just like them to get them more amped LOL
20. MIlk angers me, thats prolly why my bones will be angry with me when im 50
21.Total package.
22.Sammy sosa? must be nice (inside joke)
23.it's ok x6.....-drake
24.Moving no later than a year from now. Bam!
25.Baby you fly.
26.do people say booyah anymore, cuz i do lol
27."being taken for granted can be a compliment! it means that you've become a comfortable trusted element in another person's life"-dr. joyce brothers :) she makes it sound soo good right...psych! lol
28.2010.....are you ready for me?!?! warm up......NOW.
29.I get WEAK from reading Chuck norris facts online
30.last but certainly not least, all jokes aside now....LOVE the life you've been given, remember who you are, forgive, love & remember to take things in when they happen becuz " nobody remembers their life, they remember moments"....never regret something that ONCE made you smile.

Signing off from my 30 random thoughts of today

Jenius :D

Who dat is?!?!?! Thas JUST MY BabY DaDdy ♥

I am on my “mmhmm,” they are on they “Oh, No!”I am really in here, they ain’t real like Soul Glo Don’t you know I’m so sho, them n-gga’s got no Glow Find a master ‘fore you can come back into the dojo.- LupE "turnt up"

Ladies and Gents you are now rockin wit the BEST!!!!!

I present to you a little something to keep us LUPE FIASCO AKA WASALU MUHAMMAD JACO AKA THE REALEST......NEW MIXTAPE ENEMY OF THE STATE.

IF THIS MIXTAPE ISN'T ENOUGH TO GET YOUR MIND AMPED FOR his new CD!!! I DUNNO WHAT IS........I ONLY HAVE ONE THING ON MY CHRISTMAS LIST...........

NEW CD COMING OUT OF COURSE!!! ON THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR ......................................

Dec. 25th entitled "Friend of the People"

SO ILL :x

YOur wElcome ;). get at this link below lil buddays..

http://www.livemixtapes.com/mixtapes/10896/lupe_fiasco_enemy_of_the_state.html

DEAth to priDE

Sitting back doing some self-evaluation. Question becomes how serious do people take me? bbuttt then i went hard on myself and dug deeper.....how serious AM I WITH MYSELF?????now...wait a minute! lol this doesn't mean i'm not an honest loyal person. Those are traits i value and continue to hold as things that people should easily categorize me as....but. again. I think i have an issue of trying to mirror people's feelings. Now to ME thats not being fake, it's me using a defense mechanism. For instance if I feel like someone is unreal, fake, bogus, non chalant, rejecting me, hurt my feelings etc. for any situation....i let it sting for a FEW seconds,,,,,,and then i go into overdrive. overdrive in this situation means that it's almost like an alarm system goes off and tells my mind and body to go numb. this sounds drastic but this is seriously what happens. i then start to tell myself, whatever has happened doesn't affect me and that i knew it or expected it to happen. I think when i feel like i expected something out of someone it allows me to NUMB the situation and feel a sense of comfort like "wooo thank god i was prepared for this so it can't hurt me" when ur really never always ready for all of life's blows. This has just been on my heart for a couple weeks now. I pride myself in being real with others ......but when it comes to ME......really do i pride myself on having pride???i seriously think in the middle of my reflection that i realized some real stuff about me. This is one of the hardest things im going to have to do. i have got to stare life's situations in the face and take it, feel the burn, and coast. Now im not sayin that i don't do that now, the only difference is i refuse to feel the burn because i view that as failure.....Maybe that's what it is, im real with Everyone but sometimes im AFRAID TO BE real with myself. I'm pretty sure this behavior will make me miss out on people in my life circle who really are in my corner because sometimes without notice i slowly but surely push people AWAY....what's sadder is they don't get a memo for when it's going to happen unless for some weird reason they suspect that their in process of me deleting them and ask why i'm actin distant? THIS IS BAD i KNOW :(. This is due to the fact that in this weak frame of thought i kinda think like "screw this, b4 u get screwed" mentality and in all reality what if the person never planned to 'screw u" lol from the start,,,,this is sad, but at the same time, im only human.....im just trying to live and learn........just from releasing this through blog i realized that sometimes, maybe, i have to understand that i can't be super strong, super human, super resilient wonder woman, who "acts and thinks like a boy" who doesn't feel pain to save face. I think it would be appropriate to be JeNnY..... SOMETIMES lol, the girl who allows herself to feel, the girl who allows herself to love hard, the girl who cares and the girl who dreams without fear of the unknown. I feel refreshed.....you know what they say in therapy, the first step is admitting you have a problem......here we are....DAY 1. wish me luck

jenius


Proverbs 11:2, When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

UNTITLED

I left this untitled for a reason. Wrote it in 6 minutes record time lol just me being bored and feelin artistic. not my best poetry session but....whatev here we go.



she keeps walking past me and i never noticed her grace
never knew how much she meant to me until i was faced
with the fact, that she was leavin me....
how could it be,
i forgot to take a minute and remember that she
had been there since day one, forever by my side
well sorta until my number came up then she said she would ride....
im missin her, but it seems like the more that i i do
im diggin a bigger hole for myself so its best to keep movin
she told me i would miss her when she left me,
i laughed!
but now im crazy like
who was i foolin?
i gotta get her back
but it's a fact that she's gone forever with no return
waited too long, she said it's best to let our past burn...
BUT
she said it's a little hope in the future...
in the next couple days months years its promise left for me to seize her
hope i please her
so i can by back some of her preciousness
im tryin
Stopped and asked her what her name was and she replied......

TIME.

jenius

I just wanna be successful.....

in the mood to write poetry....comes once a month lol....wanna hear it...here it go.lol



weary minds, perpetuate false melodies to life's song
i choose to whistle positivity my days long
wise minds know that sky's the limit
and as long as your eyes stare in one direction
you guaranteed to win it
yup its dream killas, and swag stealers and "negative nancys"
say to these posers its cool "i get it how i fancy"
"you can have whatever you like" is what they say to me
i decline and tell em my ego refuses, but i can upgrade U like my diva B
im choosin to turn my fantasies into realities
cuz real eyes recognize, a dream aint nothin but a lie
to those who used to be blind but now see
meaning... they found there were no obstacles that lay down before them
"success is just a state of mind", but to those without determination, words seem foreign
my granddaddy told me "you can be ANYTHING you wanna be"
well Gpa... i know you starin down and im gone make you proud of me
my people came toO far for me to stop where im standin
My president is Black?!?!?!?!, aww naw OK! i got the message no time for meanderin
to whom much is given much is expected
so i know what im about to embark on soon is predicted to be hectic
final words to the audience of minds i just explored
please don't think this is cockiness....its confidence...believe me im sure! ;)
Just take notes and remember just don't give up
yup im done with this let me move on.. let me let up
somebody beam me up
im on another level, so be easy..i got my head up :)

Jenius